How to Meet New People in a Big City

Meeting new people and making friends is often challenging for people living in a big city like San Francisco or New York. And the stay-at-home orders and social distancing guidelines of 2020 and early 2021 didn’t make it any easier. Fortunately, life is starting to get back to normal. Now, you might be wondering how to meet new people in a big city. While it may seem like a daunting task, meeting new people simply comes down to knowing where to look.

How to Meet New People and Make Friends

If you’re ready to meet new people and create lasting friendships, read on. There are many ways people can connect. However, it’s important to note that making new friends might require you to leave your comfort zone, try new things, and be willing to make the first move. If you’re ready to do that, try one of these seven ways to meet new people in a big city. 

1. Get Involved in Your Local Community 

Even though you live in a big city, there are ways to get involved in your local community. One way is to find a nearby organization where you can volunteer. This is a great way to meet new people while making a difference. 

Another way to meet new people in your local community is to find a cultural or religious group. This may be a local church or community organization where you can find like-minded people and new friends.

2. Join a Sports Team or Activity Group 

If you like to play sports or have an active hobby like cycling or hiking, research teams or groups in your area. Is there an amateur adult soccer league you can join? Maybe a cycling group meets once a week for a group ride. Do some research and find out what it takes to join. This is a great way to do something you already enjoy while meeting others who enjoy the same thing. 

3. Go to the Gym

The gym is a great place to meet new people in a big city. But it might feel daunting trying to strike up a conversation in the middle of someone’s workout. If that feels a bit intimidating to you, try an exercise or yoga class. These types of classes are not only a great place to get active, but you’ll likely see the same people there each week. Plus, with time before and after the class to socialize, you won’t have to interrupt their workout to connect. Use the one thing you already have in common (the class) to strike up a conversation. With group-centered classes, CrossFit and rock climbing gyms are also a great place to find community in a big city.

4. Join a Sports Team Fan Club

Big cities typically have big sports teams, which typically have even bigger sports team fan clubs. Do you love cheering for the San Francisco Giants? Are you looking for friends to get rowdy with at the stadium? Joining a fan club is a great way to meet people online who you can then meet in real life. Go to games together or find a local bar to cheer on your favorite team. Visit your favorite team’s official website to join fan clubs and meet new people in a big city. 

5. Take Your Dog to the Park 

A puppy is a great ice breaker when it comes to meeting new people. Take your dog to the park and next thing you know, you’ll have people coming up to you to pet your dog. Who knows, maybe one of them could be your new best friend. And if not, maybe you can at least find someone else with a dog and schedule dog park playdates.

6. Shop Local 

Shopping locally is a great way to meet new people in a big city and support your local community at the same time. Small, local business owners are eager to meet new people and make connections. If you’re new to a city, instead of going to the big mall and chain restaurants, spend time shopping in local boutiques and trying family-owned restaurants. Strike up a conversation with the hard-working people who own the shops and you might just find a new friend.

7. Use Technology to Your Advantage

While you probably want to make friends in real life, not just via the internet, that doesn’t mean you can’t start your search online. Here are three ways to use technology to your advantage when it comes to meeting new people in a big city. 

Use Facebook Groups to find people in your area with similar interests. Use the search bar and select “groups” to narrow your results and find people who like the same things as you. Be sure to include your city in the search to find local groups you can meet in person. 

Try Meetup and join a group or attend an event with others. If you have an interest and can’t find a group, you can create one yourself. This is a great way to meet new people who like the same things as you. 

Use Bumble and try “dating” for friends. Yes, Bumble is a dating app. But Bumble BFF is their unique feature that helps you match with new friends in your area. Similar to a dating app, you swipe right on someone you’re interested in being friends with and can strike up a conversation if the feeling is mutual.

Tips for How to Meet People in a Big City

Here’s the truth: even if you join an exercise class, shop at a local store, or match with someone on Bumble BFF, you still have to put in the effort to build community and connections that last. Here are three tips to help you do that.

1. Remember You Aren’t Alone

Making friends is hard. Making friends as an adult is even harder. You aren’t alone. Remember that if you start to feel self-conscious or nervous. The other person is probably feeling the same way, but someone has to be bold and make the first move. Let that person be you. 

2. Remember Not Everyone is Your New Best Friend

You will meet a lot of new people in your life. Some stay for a long time and others come and go. That’s ok. Not everyone you meet will be a good friend for you, so be open and willing to let relationships develop naturally. If you don’t click with someone or the chemistry is off, don’t be afraid to move on. 

3. Remember Meeting New People Takes Time

While you might meet an awesome person the first time you take your dog to the park, you also might not. That’s ok. Meeting new people in a big city takes time. Don’t give up. Keep attending classes, joining groups, and making first moves. Your people are out there.

For more information on how to establish healthy, lasting connections in your life, click here.

Top 6 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety in the Moment

If you experience social anxiety, you aren’t alone. In fact, over 12% of U.S. adults experience the effects of social anxiety disorder at some point in their life. While that may not seem like a large percentage, it’s close to 40 million Americans. But you can learn to have more ease in connection with others. Continue reading to learn more about social anxiety, why it happens, and how to overcome social anxiety in the moment.

What is Social Anxiety?

Experiencing some level of anxiety in certain social situations is very common. Your heart racing as you’re about to meet someone for a first date. Your palms getting sweaty during a job interview. Your stomach turning as you stand up to give a presentation at work. Most of us feel nervous in these moments. However, someone who lives with social anxiety disorder experiences these feelings and reactions in most, if not all, social situations. 

For some, social anxiety doesn’t just occur when meeting new people or experiencing a new social situation. Even spending time with friends and family can evoke social anxiety because you’re so worried about what others think of you. When the intense feelings of nervousness or fear of judgment stop you from interacting with others or doing important things in life, it becomes extremely limiting. 

Can You Overcome Social Anxiety?

If you experience social anxiety during the majority of social situations in your life, you’re probably wondering (and hoping) about ways to overcome it. Fortunately, there are many things you can do to become more comfortable and confident in social situations. 

Long-term solutions to overcoming social anxiety include practicing meditation, journaling, and seeing a therapist who specializes in anxiety. A therapist can help you improve your friendships, romantic relationships, communication with family, and work connections. By identifying areas of concern and gaining the knowledge and tools available, you can reduce your anxiety and learn how to connect better with others.

6 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety in the Moment

While seeing a therapist can help you overcome social anxiety long-term, when you’re experiencing symptoms in the moment, you need instant relief. Here are 6 things to try to overcome social anxiety fast.

1. Do Breathing Exercises

When you experience social anxiety, you may notice changes in your body. One of the most common changes is your breathing. What was once calm/deep breathing becomes fast/shallow breathing that may cause even more anxiety. Doing simple breathing exercises can help calm your nervous system and overcome social anxiety in the moment. Here’s an exercise to try:

1. Find a comfortable place to sit down – be sure to sit with a straight back.

2. Relax your shoulders. 

3. Place one hand on your stomach and the other hand on your chest. 

4. Breath in through your nose for 3-5 seconds. When you breathe, focus on inhaling the air into your diaphragm (your stomach) rather than your chest.

5. Hold your breath for a few seconds before slowly exhaling out of your mouth for 5-7 seconds. 

6. Repeat this breathing cycle for 5-10 minutes or until you begin to feel your body and mind relax.

Slowly but surely your breathing will return to normal and your nervous system will calm down, enabling you to participate in a social situation with less anxiety.

2. Try Grounding Exercises

Grounding exercises are another way to overcome social anxiety in the moment. Similar to breathing exercises, they calm your nervous system. Grounding exercises also help your mind focus on something other than what is making you feel anxious or fearful. 

One of the most common and effective grounding exercises to overcome social anxiety is the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise. Regardless of where you are or who you’re with, you can do this grounding exercise without anyone knowing. Simply do the following:

Out loud or in your head, name… 

• 5 things you can see.

• 4 things you can feel. 

• 3 things you can hear. 

• 2 things you can smell. 

• 1 thing you can taste. 

By engaging all of your senses, you become present in the moment. This helps control and minimize negative thoughts while increasing feelings of safety and security. 

3. Take a Moment for Yourself

While you can completely remove yourself from some stressful social situations, others may not provide the same freedom. For example, you can’t just leave work every time an important meeting causes you to feel anxious or fearful. Instead, it’s important to find ways to overcome social anxiety in the moment so you can participate in these important events.

Try taking a moment for yourself. For example, if you know your important work meeting is at 2:00 pm, plan to take a 10-minute break at 1:45 pm. Go for a walk and focus on something other than your feelings about the meeting. Rather than ignoring your anxiety or trying to repress it, accept your feelings without fixating on them. Remind yourself that the feelings will pass. You may even use this time to reframe the anxiety-producing situation as less threatening. Rather than entering a social situation and just hoping for the best, do what you can to prepare your mind and body for the experience. You may even try a breathing or grounding exercise during this time.

4. Set and Keep Boundaries

Knowing your limits – and respecting them – is extremely important when it comes to overcoming social anxiety. For example, if possible, don’t schedule a first date on the same day you have an important work meeting. Additionally, don’t feel obligated to accept social situations you’re uncomfortable with, especially on short notice. Knowing when to say no is important. Saying no will ensure that you don’t overwhelm yourself, while still accomplishing all that needs to be done. 

5. Focus on Something (or Someone) Other than Yourself

When you’re in a social situation and your mind starts to run wild with negative thoughts, try shifting your attention to what’s going on around you rather than inside of you. While it’s important to acknowledge your feelings and accept them, when it comes to overcoming social anxiety fast, it might not be the best time for introspection. Instead, tune into a nearby conversation. Or, if you are with others in a social situation, practice good listening. Focus intently on what the other person is saying. This not only improves the relationship (people love to be heard), but it also helps take your mind off of your anxiety and allows your body to calm down. 

6. Tell Yourself the Truth 

Many of the thoughts that come into your mind during a stressful social situation aren’t true. You may think people can tell you’re uncomfortable. You may think people are judging you. You may think people don’t like you or aren’t having a good time. Often these thoughts aren’t true. Also, you may think the feelings you have are too intense and won’t pass. In moments like this, it’s important to remind yourself of what you know to be true. 

Spend some time coming up with things you know to be true that you can tell yourself when you’re in a stressful social situation. It’s best to do this with a clear mind when you feel calm. Some ideas are…

• “I know I feel anxious right now, but it will pass. It always does.”

• “This feels uncomfortable, but I’m going to focus on the positives. [Name three positive things about the social situation.]”

• “Instead of thinking about people focusing on me, I’m going to focus on other people to show I’m a good listener.”

The Journey to Overcoming Social Anxiety Starts Now

These six tips will help you overcome social anxiety in the moment. However, the journey to becoming more confident and comfortable in social situations starts with making a commitment. If you’re ready to do what it takes to manage your social anxiety and thrive in social situations, I’m here to help. You can learn more about how I help people just like you accept and move past their social anxiety and live fuller social lives here. 

Pandemic Fatigue is Real, and It May Be Affecting Your Mental Health

Pandemic fatigue is real, and there’s a chance it’s affecting you more than you think. By taking time to reflect on this past year, you can continue in 2021 with a greater sense of peace and clarity. 

What is Pandemic Fatigue?

Over the past year, have you felt extra emotional? Have your stress levels been higher? Have you been more irritable? If so, you’re not alone, and you may be experiencing pandemic fatigue. Because of the coronavirus, we’ve had to deal with increased fear,  confusion, and ever-changing social restrictions. Some of us have even dealt with the loss of a job or the death of a loved one. What’s worse is we’ve had to do it all without any normalcy to cling to. Going to the gym, seeing a movie, spending a night out with friends… all of those things that used to help us relieve stress and cope with hard times are no longer available. Between working remotely, missing in-person connection, and trying to navigate this “new normal,” there hasn’t been time to rest and recharge. This all leads to pandemic fatigue.

How the Pandemic Has Affected Mental Health

For months, even the smallest pleasures like grabbing a coffee with a friend were completely restricted or altered in some way. Each time we pull out our face mask before entering a store or establishment, we’re reminded that life isn’t normal and that we’re in the midst of a global pandemic. This causes increased stress, hopelessness, and boredom and results in greater anxiety, depression, and anger. In fact, a 2020 study found depression symptoms in adults are three times higher during the pandemic than before.

3 Ways to Keep Pandemic Fatigue from Affecting Your Mental Wellbeing

So many of us are struggling, which is extremely understandable. If you are one of those people, here are three things you can do today to overcome pandemic fatigue and improve your mental wellbeing. 

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

If you haven’t yet, the first step in overcoming pandemic fatigue is to identify your feelings. Give them a name. This will help you recognize what’s really going on inside and find ways to effectively overcome the heavy emotions you’re experiencing. Do you feel angry, sad, bored, unmotivated, depressed, anxious, or something else? How do you know? Write down the sensations or indicators of this emotion. If you’ve been bottling a lot up inside as a coping mechanism, it’s a good idea to spend time journaling your thoughts and feelings. 

2. Identify Your Triggers

Chances are you don’t feel those heavy emotions all of the time. Instead, they likely come in waves, so begin to take note of what “triggers” you. A “trigger” is something that significantly impacts your mental wellbeing, often suddenly. For example, does your heart rate increase and anxiety rise when you read the latest news article about the coronavirus? Or does trying to find a new job since you’ve been laid off from yours make you feel discouraged and hopeless?

Knowing what triggers you emotionally is important. While not all triggers are completely avoidable, you can minimize your exposure to them, which helps with pandemic fatigue. Consider taking a break from reading or watching the news. And if you’re looking for work, rather than constantly checking to see if there are any new jobs in your field, look once a day for a set amount of time and then move on to another task.

3. Find Healthy Ways to Combat these Negative Emotions

Take Care of Your Body Physically

Physical activity is not only beneficial for your body, but it also positively affects your mental wellbeing. It can elevate your mood, increase your focus, and even improve your self-esteem. Exercise is one of the best ways to overcome pandemic fatigue and the heavy emotions that come with it. If your gym is still closed or you don’t enjoy exercising, don’t worry. Even walking briskly three times a week is enough to experience the positive effects of exercise on your mental health. 

Make Time to Rest and Recharge

It’s hard for many of us to find time to rest and recharge. This is especially true for those navigating working remotely, having children home during the day, and trying to maintain a sense of normalcy. However, that just means you have to make time. Even just 15 minutes a day of calming activities, such as deep breathing, yoga, or reading, can significantly lower your stress. If you have a couple of hours of free time, put down your phone, turn off the news, and do something you find fun and/or pleasurable.

Connect When and How You Can

Now that the COVID vaccine is readily available, you’ll soon be able to spend more time with your friends and family. However, if you aren’t comfortable with that yet, that’s ok. There are plenty of ways you can connect with others even while maintaining your distance. Rather than just texting a friend, consider calling or video chatting with them. Hearing a friendly voice or seeing a loved one can also help elevate your mood and relieve stress. 

Talk to a Therapist 

While it’s great to lean on friends and family for support, you may be dealing with some thoughts or feelings you aren’t comfortable sharing with them. A therapist provides a safe space for you to identify and work through everything you’ve been experiencing. Additionally, they can provide you with tools and resources to help you move into a place of acceptance and relief. 

The great thing about therapy is that it’s there for you when you need it most. If that time is now for you, don’t wait. As a California online therapist, I offer Zoom therapy sessions that mimic in-person sessions and provide you with the support you need to thrive during this time. It’s possible to overcome pandemic fatigue and make the most of this unique and unprecedented time. You can learn more about my teletherapy services here.

Does Online Therapy Work? How to Get the Most out of Your Sessions

When you think about going to therapy, what comes to mind? Do you imagine how it’s portrayed in movies: a therapist sitting in a big chair with a notepad in hand listening to their client who is sprawled out on a nearby couch? In-person therapy sessions are common. And while many offices have gotten much-needed facelifts since the 90s, because of COVID, some offices have disappeared altogether. The start of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020 forced most–if not all–therapists to switch to online therapy. And while 2021 has brought some relief to strict social distancing guidelines, trends suggest that online therapy is here to stay.

What is Online Therapy?

Online therapy is known by many names–teletherapy, e-therapy, e-counseling, remote therapy–but they all mean the same thing. It is when mental health services and support are provided virtually rather than in person. Online therapy can take place over the phone, through text messaging, on the internet, via video chat platforms such as Zoom, and more. While each communication method has its own set of benefits and setbacks, in general, remote therapy is incredibly convenient, which is one of the main reasons it’s a desirable option for clients.

How Does Online Therapy Work?

Just like the workings of a traditional, in-person therapy session differ based on the techniques of the therapist and the client dynamics, so does online therapy. Personally, I only offer clients remote therapy sessions via Zoom calls to mimic an in-person session as much as possible. This way, there’s real-time help, interaction, and conversation, and my clients get the most out of our time together. Additionally, meeting via Zoom allows my clients the freedom and flexibility needed to schedule when it works best for them because there is no commute required. This is yet another perk of the e-therapy structure.

5 Ways to Get the Most out of Your Online Therapy Sessions

Whether you see an in-person counselor or opt for online therapy, here are 5 ways to get the most out of your sessions. 

1. Schedule Your Sessions at a Good Time for You

Scheduling your online therapy sessions on your lunch break at work might sound like a good idea at the time, but is it really? Think about it: you have a moment of breakthrough 10 minutes before your session is over. You’ve been crying. You’re emotionally exhausted. And you have to go straight into a two-hour meeting with your boss. While it’s doable, you will get the most out of your therapy sessions by scheduling them when you have a moment to process afterward before heading straight into your next responsibility. 

2. Share What Feels Right to You

Your therapy sessions are a safe place where you can share anything and everything you want to (and nothing that you don’t). Sometimes clients feel like they have to censor themselves or be extremely polite during their sessions. But the truth is, honesty opens the door for more effective communication and enables your therapist to truly help you on a deeper level. Personally, I encourage my clients to check in with themselves and share what feels right for them. This takes away any pressure to talk about certain topics and allows the session to be exactly what you need it to be. 

3. Keep a "Therapy Journal"

After your therapy session, before you jump right into your next to-do, take a moment and jot down a few thoughts. Whether it’s a book your therapist mentioned, a concept you want to think about more later, or a communication skill you want to try next time you and your boyfriend get in an argument, write it down. It’s so easy to feel like you come out of therapy with a renewed mindset and then quickly forget about all the things you and your therapist discussed. So, while it’s fresh in your mind, write about it in a “therapy journal” that you can refer to later. This will help you get the most out of your sessions because they won’t just be helpful in the moment but will continue to be relevant throughout the days and weeks when you don’t see your therapist.

4. Share About Your Sessions with a Trusted Friend

Another way to get the most out of your online therapy sessions is to share about them with a close friend. You don’t have to go into the details, but when you talk about what you learned, it’s another way to reinforce it in your life. Just like writing about your therapy sessions can help you get more out of them, so can talking about them with someone you trust. Who knows, what you share might help them too.

5. Ask Your Therapist for a Recap

Depending on how long you go between sessions, and what takes place on the days you’re not in therapy, you may forget exactly where you left off. Don’t be afraid to ask your therapist for a recap so you can start your next session right on track. 

So, Does Online Therapy Work?

Yes, remote therapy does work. But how much you get out of any type of therapy session is up to you. If you’re interested in starting online therapy in California, email me today. I’d love to share more about how my remote therapy sessions work to see if they are the right fit for you.